A Storytelling Perspective On Loneliness

“Feeling lonely” may mean you’re telling a negative story about “being alone.”

Photo by Gabriel on Unsplash.

I become extremely frustrated when I read posts in online groups: “I feel so lonely.” Or, “I don’t have anyone to share experiences.”

Or, “I’ve just moved and I have trouble making friends.” Or, “My grown children never call me. I’m thinking of moving to be closer to them.”

Well-meaning readers send advice tips like:

“Look for other people like yourself.”
“Join a group where you’ll be likely to make friends.”
“Get involved in a church or a volunteer work opportunity.”

These well-meaning tips seem to miss the point. Getting over loneliness and making friends — especially when you’ve just moved to a new community — requires telling ourselves a whole new story.

Recognize the pervasiveness and power of the loneliness story.

Many of us were taught an unrealistic story: “I need to have friends. Something’s wrong with me if I don’t.”

Or conversely, “I deserve to have friends. My loved ones ought to be more attentive.”

I’ve moved a lot, in geography as well as careers. When you make changes, you often lose a…