[Humor] Why I Bought A House

Memories of My Rental Life In South Florida

Readers: This is based on a true experience — only slightly exaggerated — part of my life of adventure. It was written as an article to promote my book on relocation, Making the Big Move. A word to the wise…

To: Cathy Goodwin
From: Agony Arms Rental Homes

Welcome to Agony by the Sea! We are so pleased you have chosen to rent from us. You will love our beautiful grounds, our fully-equipped fitness center, and our sparkling swimming pools. The residents are a friendly group and we know you’ll enjoy meeting them at our many social events. Enclosed are brochures proclaiming our commitment to Superior Service Quality. We are sure you’ll be happy here.

Before you move in, we need to have the following monies in certified funds. A few drops of blood on the contract wouldn’t hurt either.
Cathy Goodwin — Apt 501.
Security deposit $750
Non-refundable pet fee $400
Pet deposit $400
Processing fee $75

For your convenience, here are numbers for electricity, telephone, newspaper and that all-important cable service. Please arrange to turn them on before you arrive.